Categories
Humour

Call Center Workers Object to High-Tech Monitoring System……

Call Center Workers Object to High-Tech Monitoring System That Alerts Supervisors if an Employee Is in the Restroom Longer Than Eight Minutes a Day


Union representatives and government inspectors are looking into complaints that managers at a Norwegian call center forbid employees from spending more than eight minutes a day on, uh, personal business:

Managers are alerted by flashing lights if an employee is away from their desk for a loo break or other “personal activities” beyond the allotted time. […]

A spokesman added: “Surveying staff to limit lavatory visits, cigarette breaks, personal phone calls and other personal needs to a total of eight minutes per day is highly restrictive and intrusive and must be stopped.”

The firm said the aim of the checks was not to measure the breaks taken by individual workers but to assess staffing needs to ensure all calls from customers were answered and it would now be reviewing the policy.

It is the latest example of lavatory rules in Norwegian companies.

Last year the country’s workplace ombudsman said one firm was reported for making women workers wear a red bracelet when they were having their period to justify more frequent trips to the loo.

Another company made staff sign a lavatory “visitors book” while a third issued employees with an electronic key card to gain access to the lavatories so they could monitor breaks.

Did you see that, Alex? Employees at other companies are allowed to go to the restroom during their shifts.

Categories
Humour Misc

You surely can't answer these questions

Have you answered these questions correctly? Look at the real answers at bottom by some students:

1. Briefly explain what hard water is?

2. What was Sir Walter Raleigh famous for?

3. What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?

4. Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements.

5. Name one measure which can be put into place to avoid river flooding in times of extensive rainfall (e.g. in Mississippi).

6. Name six animals which live specifically in the Artic.

7. Name of wife of Orpheus, who he attempted to save from the underworld..

8. Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?

9. What is the meaning of word “Varicose”?

10. What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?

11. Explain the phrase “Free Press”.

12. Jonna works in an office. Her computer is stand-alone system. What is a stand-alone computer system?

13. Steve is driving his car. He is travelling at 60 feet/second and the speed limit is 40 mph. Is Steve speeding?

14. What is vibration?

15. Where was Hadrian’s Wall built?

16. Explain why phosphorus trichloride (PCl3) is polar.

17. Tracy is wrong. Use an example showing Tracy is wrong.

18. Sea salt is commercially obtained from sea water by the process of evaporation and crystallization. The main component of sea water is Sodium Chloride. What type of attractive forces or bonds holds the sodium ions and chloride ions together in a crystal of sodium chloride?

19. Find x, when y = 4cms. and Z = 3cms.



1.

Find x.
Find x.


2.

What was Sir Walter Raleigh famous for?
What was Sir Walter Raleigh famous for?


3.

What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?
What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?


4.

Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.


5.

Name one measure which can be put into place to avoid river flooding in times of extensive rainfall (e.g. in Mississippi).
Name one measure which can be put into place to avoid river flooding in times of extensive rainfall (e.g. in Mississippi).


6.

Name six animals which live specifically in the Artic.
Name six animals which live specifically in the Artic.


7.

Name of wife of Orpheus, who he attempted to save from the underworld.
Name of wife of Orpheus, who he attempted to save from the underworld.


8.

Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?


9.

What is the meaning of word "Varicose"?
What is the meaning of word "Varicose"?


10.

What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?
What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?


11.

Explain the phrase "Free Press".
Explain the phrase "Free Press".


12.

Jonna works in an office. Her computer is stand-alone system. What is a stand-alone computer system?
Jonna works in an office. Her computer is stand-alone system. What is a stand-alone computer system?


13.

Steve is driving his car. He is travelling at 60 feet/second and the speed limit is 40 mph. Is Steve speeding?
Steve is driving his car. He is travelling at 60 feet/second and the speed limit is 40 mph. Is Steve speeding?


14.

What is vibration?
What is vibration?


15.

Where was Hadrian’s Wall built?
Where was Hadrian’s Wall built?


16.

Explain why phosphorus trichloride (PCl3) is polar.
Explain why phosphorus trichloride (PCl3) is polar.


17.

Tracy is wrong. Use an example showing Tracy is wrong.
Tracy is wrong. Use an example showing Tracy is wrong.


18.

Sea salt is commercially obtained from sea water by the process of evaporation and crystallization.
Sea salt is commercially obtained from sea water by the process of evaporation and crystallization.


19.

Briefly explain what hard water is?
Briefly explain what hard water is?
Categories
Humour Misc

English is a crazy language

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.

English is a crazy language
English is a crazy language
  • In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
  • Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
  • Why is it that when we transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
  • Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
  • In what other language do thay call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
  • Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?
  • Why – in our crazy language – can your nose run and your feet smell?
  • Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:
  • If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?
  • If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?
  • A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.
  • But fingers don’t fing and grocers don’t groce.
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of booth be beeth?
  • If the teacher taught, why isn’t it also true that the preacher praught?
  • If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?
  • English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can’t turn a light in;
  • In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.
  • In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down,in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
  • English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?
Categories
Humour Misc

The 5 toughest questions for men

The 5 toughest questions for men are:

The 5 toughest questions for men
The 5 toughest questions for men

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each
one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if
the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth).
Therefore, as a public service, each question is
analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry
if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on
what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent
woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the
true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered
by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know
what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a
more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.”

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh Yeah, loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!”

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I’ve seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking
about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is always: “Of course not!”

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about
how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question# 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.

(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette!”)

Categories
Humour Misc

Poor Husbands

Poor Husbands
Poor Husbands

Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor…

“Husband is one who is the head of the family,
but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes.”

A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means – With Idiot For Ever

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push…!

Categories
Humour Nature

Why Male Elk Have Long Antlers?

Why Male Elk Have Long Antlers

Male Elk Have Long Antlers
Why Male Elk Have Long Antlers?

‘It’s a guy thing, regardless of species.’

Categories
Humour

Wal-Mart has everything!

 Wal-Mart has everything!
Wal-Mart has everything!

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, ‘My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better see a doctor.’

‘Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,’ Mike replies.

‘There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart.. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor.’

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
  Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.

He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

  1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
  2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
  3.  Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
  4.  Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
  5.  If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
 Thank you for shopping @  Wal-Mart.
Categories
Humour

Checking out.

I thought I would look in on you
I thought I would look in on you

I was feeling a little nosey, so I thought I would look in on you and see if you’re sitting at your computer and if you’re OK.

Yup, there you are and you look great!

Categories
Humour

The Smirnoff Vodka Effect:::Amazing Ads

The Smirnoff Vodka Effect:::Amazing Ads

Smirnoff Vodka Effect
Smirnoff Vodka Effect
Categories
Humour

Low Ink…

Low Ink…

Low Ink
Low Ink

Here a baby bear before birth is passed through a printer. When the cartridge is full baby bears are completely colored black and converted to bears.

After the Ink in the cartridge has gone below the specified level it starts printing Pandas and not bears. its because shortage of Black color.